Saturday, May 21, 2011

Mayhem or Magic . . . You be the Judge

At the start of yesterday, it seemed magic was afoot in Casa Altom.  By the end of the day, I was just plain ol' ready for bed.

By 6:30AM, I was already hard at work.  Had a synopsis to write, farm to harvest and a frontier needing to be tamed.  I needed a cookie for sustenance, but alas, there were none.  In the midst of all of this heavy labor, Mother Nature was putting on quite a show.  Thunder and lightning and rain pounding the skylights so hard I couldn't hear my sheep baa!! 

Last Saturday, we had a neighborhood yard sale, during which, I went haywire, snatching up as much junk as I could from every corner of the house.  (Stay with me, this is all going to tie together soon!!  LOL!!)  Eyeing the scum-filled tank of death--otherwise known as the $1000 fish tank all kiddos promised to help clean--I knew this was my time.  Most of the fish had long since been cannibalized or sucked up the seafood-loving filter.  Three, hearty souls remained.  To them, I promised a new, scum free world. To my eldest bundle of joy, I said, "Get that thing and all the crap that goes with it out here to the garage STAT!!!  I want it out of my house!!!"  He complied.  Although, wondered what to do with the surviving fish.  I told him--or maybe screeched, it was 42 and blustery in May--to just stick the fish in a bucket.  I'd deal with them later.  As an aside, the fish tank still sits in the garage.  As of yesterday, the three fish still sat in a pitcher on the bar.

Back to the thunderstorm . . . Our ancient mutt, Sweet Pea, was shivering from the thunder and a lightning flash revealed the last surviving fish.  Holy Crap!!!  In my joy over never having to see that filthy tank again--unless, in the unlikely event I looked in the garage--I'd forgotten those few remaining souls. 

Rain hammering our home, I jumped from my big, green chair and set out on a mission to save the fish.  I found I'd already had one more casualty, but two more remained!!  They must be saved!!  In particular, the neon pink tetra who somehow escaped the cannibalism and outlasted his brethren for at least two years.  Can I get an Amen?!  Since we still had the old itty bitty tank, I washed it out--lightning cracking so hard I wondered if I'd get struck as punishment for all the fish death.

After a successful transfer of the last black molly, I went for the sainted tetra.  He wasn't having it.  This little guy is like the Navy SEAL of fish.  Finally, I resorted to dumping out all but a mud puddle of water at the bottom of the pitcher.  My plan was to then scoop him up.  Um, that's when something went horribly wrong. He leaped from my hands and jumped right down the GARBAGE DISPOSAL!!!!!  Pretty sure I actually screamed!!!  Lightning still flashing, I went into Wonder Woman mode, sticking my arm down that disposal, pulling out pasta and potato chunks and some mystery stuff that scared me plenty bad.  Finally, I found the fish, tossed him in the tank and can you believe it, he lived!!!!!

The clouds parted, the sun came out and angels sang--then it rained again, but anyway a happy ending!!!  It is now my mission to keep this little guy happy and out of the disposal for many years to come!!

In other news, I dragged my big butt out of my big green chair to go to the gym.  My reward??  Oilers player, Derek Eastman, a regular visitor in front of my glass side seats, happened to be lifting weights.  Whew.  And I thought he looked good in his hockey suit.  Ducking behind our resident Ice Girl, Hannah, I whisper-squealed, "OHMYGOSHISTHATDEREKEASTMAN?" She rolled her eyes and confirmed my suspicions.  Alas, the couple times I've talked to handsome, talented Derek, he wasn't especially loving the fan attention.  And contrary to what you probably believe, I've never ambushed him, but only approached him at bona fide fan functions where he was being paid to be nice to me!!!  Whatever.  As you can tell by the two hunks in my profile pic, I've moved on!!  LOL!!!

Next on my agenda, helped our oldest kiddo, Russell, move into an apartment at TU and I'm actually a tad jealous.  It smells heavenly with not a trace of cat or dog and drum roll, please . . .  Directly across from his place some seriously yummy, giant football players were moving in.  If only I were back in school at my fun & flirty weight!!!

In today's news, Happy 23rd Anniversary Sweet Hubby!!! Out of all of my boyfriends, I love YOU best!!!!!




1 comment:

Anonymous said...