Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Mean Lady in Green Shorts!!/Contest

Please help find my missing book!!  This is what it looks like!!

Good morning!! Hope your summer is off to a way cooler start than ours here in Oklahoma!! One summer ritual I've had for a good ten years--probably more, but I'm too old to count--is my annual trek to the Romance Writers of America conference. This year, we're back in Manhattan, which means extra pressure to look polished and professional, rather than like I-haven't-left-the-house-in-three-days-and-dribbled-Spaghettios-down-the-front-of-my-shirt!!!

As part of the last push to prepare for my trip, I've been going to the gym--a lot!! I think my butt's a little smaller, but other than that, I haven't seen a whole lot of results. Anyway, yesterday was a half treadmill/half weight day, so Hannah and I schlepped from the movie-treadmill room to the ladies weight area.

In the ladies only area was a woman wearing annoying green shorts. They were bright, ill-fitting and kinda ugly considering how gorgeous she was!! If I had her body, you'd better believe I'd be wearing something seriously hot all the time!! (See what kinds of crazy ramblings fly through my head while on those horrible weight lifting machines??)

I'd just finished strengthening and toning my luscious thighs when the woman sneezed. As I would with any human--usually my dogs, too--I told her, "Bless you." Not only did she not reply, but she gave me a squinty little glare!!!! What was that about?? Was she an atheist? Or just generally not in the mood to be blessed?

Literally, a minute or two later she left, and we never saw her again. So now, I'm asking you--am I wrong in blessing folks when they sneeze? I appreciate every blessing I can get, and assumed everyone felt the same!! Comments? Other blessing experiences? Grrr.

In happier news, I supposedly have a book out this month called, A Cowgirl's Secret. That said, I have yet to see it here in Tulsa, because all of the May releases are still on the shelves. If you've seen my sweet story anywhere--Poughkeepsie, Mongolia, Detroit--please let me know!! First person to tell me where they found their copy wins their choice of any two books on my backlist, plus a romance-themed charm bracelet!! (Amazon doesn't count!! LOL!!!)

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

It's Raining "Man" at the Tanning Salon!!!!

Not a good likeness to Tanning Man, but hunky all the same!!!  LOL!!

In case you somehow missed one of my eight thousand posts about daughter, Hannah, being an Ice Girl for the Tulsa Oilers, she was/is one (tryouts for next season are in July).  Her Ice Girl coach, who just won a double-header of beauty titles and accompanying crowns announced right after Christmas that the girls needed to tan, as tan fat looks better than white fat.

While I have no scientific proof for this statement, the coach is stunning and tan and while preparing for my annual trek to the Romance Writers of America (RWA) conference, it has come to my attention that I may have some jiggly white stuff in need of attention!!!  I know tanning's not good for me!!  I'm Czech and whiter than white, but in lieu of actually losing weight, this is my only hope of looking like Penelope Cruz in a little over two weeks. 

(I am faithfully going to the gym every day, too, but in case I fail to spontaneously lose 400 lbs in two weeks, tanning's my only hope!!)

Okay, so that's the background on why I'm tanning.  Hannah's tanning so she will look hot on the Jersey Shore with her hockey-playing Guido.  A sucker for love, I'm driving to RWA so Hannah can see Antonio and her friend, Louisa, can see Ian (we're dropping off Louisa in Ohio!!)  More on the Romance Road Trip to come, but back on today's topic--the hot tanning man!!!!

Yesterday afternoon, I left my little tanning room to see Hannah.  She made an odd excited, eye-jerk, for me to look behind her.  (She tans on a different hall.)  I didn't think too much about it, when WHAM!!!!  This bronzed god steps behind her.  Like, I literally couldn't close my mouth and neither could she.  He was all muscled-up and of course, tan.  Wore some kind of manly shorts and a T-shirt and had longish blond hair pulled back in a ponytail--totally not my usual type, but OH MY!!!!!!!  He carried a Louis Vuitton backpack that had to be pushing $5000 and climbed into a navy BMW.  The whole ride home, Hannah and I couldn't stop giggling and daydreaming about what this amazing alien creature was doing in a Tulsa tanning salon!!!  If anyone in Tulsa knows this hunk, please give him my number!!!!! ;-)      


Saturday, June 04, 2011

Is it Monday Yet?

It's official--the worst week I've had in a while has been crowned by the worst weekend.  Surprise bills, dental work, angsty kids, dead fridge and now, a neighbor I'd like to drop kick into the next county.

Since the lovely gentleman doesn't even know my name, I feel free to vent.  Last Fall, he replaced a retaining wall that tore our side yard to shreds.  It was a nightmare for days and days and days.  A loud, messy mud pit that resulted in our master sprinkler box being crushed by the same back hoe that damn near slid into the house.  His crew finally fixed the box, but not before our water bill went up by a hundred big ones.  To polish the project, he literally tossed down a few sheets of sod and that was that.  All these months later, with half of our side yard still dirt, I figured it was high time his team finish their job. 

I just caught him outside and asked very politely, when he had a chance, could he please have one of his crews--there are at least half a dozen each week--finish sodding our side yard.  Here's how that conversation played out:

"What's wrong with it?  There's as much grass as there ever was."

"Sir, with all due respect, before, there were at lease green weeds to mow.  Now, there's only dirt."

Big sigh.  Huff.  Stomp.  "It looks better now than it ever has."

"Yes, but half our side yard is dirt.  When we allowed you to tear our yard apart, you promised to make it right.  This isn't right."

"Fine.  Whatever.  I've got to have work done next week.  I'll have'em do it."

"Thank you."  I turn to head into the house.

"Those vines are ruining your house.  You need to take them down."

"I like them.  They add character."

"They're ruining your house.  Gonna make your roof leak.  If that's what you want . . ."  Big shrug, huff and bonus sigh.

"That's what I want.  Thanks."

I'm sooooooo angry.  Why do people have to be this way???  Seriously???  I thought I might make the tail end of the ladies' weekend I've been planning to attend literally all year, but at the rate this week has gone, I'd crash and burn on the toll road. 

Instead, I'm off to mix a nice adult beverage, plop down in my big, green chair and focus on wishing for my neighbor to vanish from my life and prosper elsewhere.  Oh--and did I mention he had no shirt on?  Yum--NOT!!!!